Friday's have a whole new meaning to me now...at least until August 17th. Biscuit and String Bean spend Sunday night-Friday evening at their dad's house and I get them three weekends a month. Having gone from spending every waking moment with them, to transitioning back to work and seeing them only in the evenings, to now spending just Friday evening (in a car), all day Saturday, and most of the day Sunday with them it has been a huge transition!
How does a mom who has done everything for her boys relinquish that control, especially when she is a bit of a control freak?! It's difficult. It's only done through prayer and great friends and family. I'm so thankful to have people in my life that keep me busy to keep my mind off of their every movement. I do get to speak to them each evening around 7:30pm but if you have, or had, a 3 and 4 year old then you realize how productive those conversations are going to be.
What is so frustrating with this arrangement, besides them not being here with me, is the level of care. Their dad and I parent so differently, and although some would say one is not right or wrong, when you're the one who does not get to actively parent you think the other is wrong. It could be worse...and I realize that...but it's so frustrating. See I know the impact of TV, poor food choices and a general disregard for discipline. You can't be a "Disney Daddy" five days a week when you're working and they are there in the evenings. It was easier to deal with reprogramming them when they were only in that environment for two days...but now it's five days and it's much harder. They are dealing with culture shock every time they come to my house or go to their dad's house...how does one minize that?
I know that if they don't eat their green beans and watch a little extra TV it's not going to kill them...but it shapes who they are, doesn't it? I just have to keep telling myself that I get them 9 months and they are only there 3 months...but even their child care facility doesn't seem to mind using the TV and not providing fresh fruits and veggies daily. (See...the school my boys go to had a garden this summer and they used that for their science lessons as well as cooking and eating...they also purchase fresh local fruit each week for their meals...plus they do not use TV unless it's a horribly rainy day!?!?! Such a different environment!!!)
Tonight I will see my pumpkins at 6pm. I will get to pick them up, they will be super excited to spend the weekend with me and then on Sunday I will leave my heart again with them as they head to their "summer home". I never wanted this life for myself or my children. I didn't want to share custody (I don't always play well with others!) I didn't want to deal with holidays and missing out...but I guess that is where I'm at. This is what happens and I continue to remind myself they will be raised in an environment where they witness less emotional abuse and in an environment where they see how a woman should be loved, respected and treated!!!